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Posted29 days ago
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A woman passing by saw the whole thing, and said she lives nearby and would happily run me a bath.
I took her up on the offer, and, um, I was a few hours late to work that day :-)
I think it's important to remember especially in traffic and such that cars aren't cars, they are people. I have no idea the real ratios, but imagine 20% are genuinely good people, 60% are just going about their lives, and 20% are miserable for some reason and drive like miserable people. It's easy to think everyone else is an idiot and become aggressive, but remember it's a small percentage who actually agitate you.
Now to answer the question. I guess it's when I was a kid, I'd completely torn my ACL but they wouldn't operate until I was done growing. I don't know how old, 12 maybe? I was in Washington DC running across a busy street when my knee slid out of place and I fell in the road. A Mercedes stopped, purposely blocking both lanes of traffic, and a husky middle aged black lady in scrubs got out and dragged me out of the road onto the sidewalk. She asked if I was ok, and I was as it happened here and there, and off she went. It was such a kind gesture in a city that seemed so cold and always on the go.
Lately, this is my experience in general, not only cars. Though I want to say both that 20% and 60% are genuinely good, and that first 20% are readily above-and-beyond.
In the big-name college town where I live, which still pretends to be warm-fuzzy (the remaining hippies are silver-haired), eventually you pick up on a pervasive undercurrent of selfishness.
A lot of people only get into the prestigious places because they look out for their own interests, and being here is only temporary and transactional. And a lot of people are strained by the high cost of living for lousy conditions, and are just trying to get by.
Still, I've seen, for example, delirious (opioids?) street people slide off a bench on the gritty main drag, and quickly be surrounded concerned and helpful passersby who looked like yuppies. (And the only phones out were multiple people calling 911, no social media content creation, just genuinely helping and then disappearing.)
Most people have to be a bit selfish, to acquire greater money/power/status than others. You usually don't come in first in the race, by pausing to help another runner who fell.
A lot of the people just trying to get by, on the other hand, have it harder because of the externalities of someone else's selfishness and sometimes cheating.
But, people just barely getting by can go one of two ways: they may or may not decide to help another person who falls.
Some just getting by will think we're all in this together, and we help each other, no matter what the jerks do. I think this is actually pretty popular philosophy, and is my own thinking.
But other just getting by might think they can't afford to help others, or that it's every person for themself. That philosophy happens, too, and is unfortunate, and it can be contagious. But much of the helping-others group is resilient.
Since you mentioned NYC: A very minor anecdote, but once, when I day-tripped to NYC for a startup interview, I just missed the last train home to Boston. I went to the booth where I saw an employee, and asked them what do I do. Her initial reaction was gruff indifferent dismissal, like is a stereotype of people in NYC. (A stereotype being something like, you can't care, because there is so much misery and crazy around you, and other people's problems are just too much to deal with besides your own.) But I think she picked up on my implicit Pollyanna belief that she would help me, because, an instant later, her whole tone changed, and she projected warmth and caring, and told me how to get home on a bus. (The startup was offering me the position, but I declined, because I decided NYC is too rough for me at the time, the nice lady in the train station notwithstanding.)
Although, I am often surprised by how kind/helpful/generally nice people are when I travel. Even in places like Paris or Glasgow, that have a reputation of being a bit rude or at least reserved toward outsiders.
This wonderful woman came over and asked if I wanted a hug. It warmed me to my bones. She said that "people should do that more", or something along those lines, and disappeared.
I don't remember her face, I just remember the warm feeling in my chest.
Actually, maybe someone here knows: How much would I expose myself lending my ~$20k car with full coverage to a random idiot? For the sake of argument, say I'm reasonably assured they are legal to drive.
However, basically all insurance in the US extends coverage to people who the owner allows to drive the car.
But if you borrow someones car and you cause damages that go beyond their insurance limits, you can be personally sued for the remainder because you are still liable for your actions as a driver.
There are some exceptions where the owner can also be held liable for damages that someone else does, especially when they do it recklessly (e.g. lending to a drunk driver)
If the driver has insurance, that would probably get tapped first, but if they don't have enough it could end up hitting your policy.
When I looked into it for my situation, a one-off thing was fine. You'd get into trouble if you lent your car for an extended period of time or if it was something like you didn't tell the insurance company you had a spouse and they drove the car regularly.
So, someone comes to pick it up. Well, 3 someone’s. A older woman, a younger woman, and a younger man. The man was missing a decent amount of teeth and had a decent amount of prison ink.
The car they came in to pick up this enormous full size fridge was probably only slightly bigger than the fridge. It wasn’t even close to being possible to fit.
I looked over at my 25 year old truck (I love that truck more than any other vehicle I’ve had) and made a decision.
“Hey look man, I love this truck. You can borrow it to lug the fridge. Please bring it back. I’ll even level with you, if you don’t bring it back odds are I’m not even going to report it stolen, I’m just going to be bummed. I get notes on my windshield all the time asking if I’ll sell it.”
Guy kind of looks at me. The other two people glance at each other, and the whole thing felt very strange. So we load the fridge and off they go.
I looked at my wife and said “I’m never going to see that truck again, huh?”
After about 4 hours I gave up. They stole it. I was strangely ok with it. I made the decision, knowing the risks, and had accepted them.
3 hours after that, they brought my truck back. The guy gets out and kind of started sobbing. The older woman (I assume the mom) was crying. Guy gave me a huge hug. Everyone was incredibly emotional.
I didn’t ask, but can only assume they considered stealing it. I also assume they used it all day long based on the mileage.
An elderly lady we got in contact with at the parking lot let us, three random strangers in their 30s stay at her place for the night. Her nephew even drove to the camping area where we headed off and probably lost the key. It was heart-warming.
After returning home we sent her a huge Christmas packet with typical specialties from Austria (pumpkin seed oil).
I'll write her a letter this Christmas.
We painted BOS > SF on the back window. At a gas station in Memphis a random guy walked up to us and said "Make sure you go to Graceland. Can't miss it."
We sort of smile and nod politely and then walk into the gas station to use the bathroom, reload on snacks etc.
10 mins later we come back outside and the same guy comes over "I bought you all tickets to Graceland, who can I text them to?"
Truly such a sick moment. Graceland was a highlight of the trip and to have someone just do such a random kind thing made it that much better. Long live Elvis, long live the King. Thanks again to whoever you are that did that. Respect.
Followed him up to the gates of Graceland, and I watched him pass right through.
I should probably talk to somebody about that…
Couldn’t hurt, because you’re robbing others of the opportunity to help. And, frankly, you’re not alone, I constantly run into folks that feel the need to reciprocate or otherwise make it transactional.
I hadn't been offered a gift yet at work, and it felt wrong for some reason. He insisted many times, and I refused.
When it was over, he seemed hurt, and he treated me in a less friendly way afterwards.
So that was how I learned the lesson. When someone wants to give you a gift, you accept it graciously. It's your duty.
My problem is, I feel bad if I don't put the gift to good use.
He shook his head and said, "No, that won't do. You're on his team, too" and handed me a jersey. Then he went ahead and paid my registration fee.
More than the money, it was the proactive nature of it that struck me at the time. The thing is, if I had asked my parents they probably would have signed me up. But it was one of those things where it would have never crossed my mind to ask. I ws as one of those kids that needed a push every now and then and rarely got one.
I never got very good at basketball but I never missed a game and had a great time with my friend. So not a tragic or desperate story, but still meaningful to me all these years later.
In a big city, meh, there's always someone else who could do it.
There's also two or three generations of people now who are absolutely terrified of talking to others, so you have to exhibit so level of distress for them to act.
Generally though, I feel like people want to help strangers, and social media makes that easier to do. We have a local organisation that helps those less fortunate, and last year they wrote on Facebook a few days before Christmas that they had five familie (I think if was five), who hadn't been able to get help elsewhere and if people had food, or money they could spare. Took them just a few hours to ensure a nice Christmas for those families. Without social media, we wouldn't have known, and it basically only Facebook that can reach so many generous people in such a short time.
Altruism and empathy, by name, are targets of derogation by a major political movement in the US, at least. So, yeah, absolutely.
> I sometimes even get the feeling that altruism is seen as a weakness these days.
This is fairly explicitly the case, yes.
A couple years ago we had a particularly bad snowfall. The plow has a nasty hate filled habit of dumping all its snow in my driveway. I had a drift at the end about 4 feet high, up to my chest. I had spent a solid hour just chipping away at it trying to get my car out and had made very little progress.
Right as I was about to give up in frustration, a man in a bobcat drove by. Moments later he turned around, came back, and asked "would you like me to clear that for you?" I told him that would be amazing. Took him a couple minutes and then he waved and drove off before I got a chance to offer him any money.
I think about this guy pretty often, it's absolutely the random act of kindness in my life I have appreciated most.
Tis the cycle of snow blower ownership.
Naturally, I don't maintain it very well throughout the years, but always mean to. I'm sure mine needs a new carb / cleaned, but happen to have lots of cabinet work going on in the shop where it's warm and oil/gas isnt happening there at the moment. Maybe on a "nice" day I'll rip it apart outside.
Or already eyeballing a new 'husky'!
The entire block on both sides plus the alley gets done those days. Neighbors here at first were skeptical since I guess it’s not normal (it is in Minnesota - every block there has a hero) for the big city, but now I get treats from various houses that catch me doing it.
I honestly do it for the pure joy of using awesome equipment I could otherwise nowhere remotely justify purchasing. Plus knowing I’m helping out my community in a small way is a nice bonus. Also helps me meet people and be social as an introvert.
after a nar nar day in pow pow cuttin freshies up to your nippy nips, you'll change that assessment!
(my email address was once inadvertently put on a mailing list for the planning of a bachelor party ski weekend, people I did not know or have any connection to, and that's the way they talked. i enjoyed it so much i didn't confess till they demanded to know why i hadn't RSVPed yet)
pow pow = is powder, powdery snow
cuttin = skiing (i.e. leaving a trail behind you after cutting through the snow)
freshies = means fresh, new; not clear in this context, it could refer to "fresh snow" or "fresh tracks"
nippy nips = depth of snow is up to your nips (nipples) and you are cold/excited so your nips are nippy
this is generalized "california surfer talk"; the type of western man who surfs also snowboards, dirt bikes, jet skis, etc as well as clings to a teenaged hangout burnout lifestyle
Deep, heavy, wet snow is called heart attack snow for a reason. It sneaks up on you - a driveway you just cleared for years with normal snowfalls is all of a sudden a 10x workout from usual, and your brain doesn’t completely process this. Anything else at that level of intensity would likely trigger you to take breaks.
That said - I think inactivity is far worse. But I still make a point to go shovel my elderly neighbors walks here in Chicago before they have a chance to do it when we get particularly deep snowfalls.
[1] https://shine365.marshfieldclinic.org/heart-care/prevent-hyp...
You don't have to be unfit to get done in by shoveling snow.
1) Extreme physical exertion - sudden, intense arm-heavy exercise often as a Valsalva maneuver (straining and holding the breath). This dramatically increases blood pressure, which puts acute stress on the heart and arteries.
2) Exposure to cold air exacerbating the strain on the heart with vasoconstriction (blood vessel constriction). Cold temperatures cause peripheral blood vessels (arteries and veins) to narrow. This forces the heart to work harder to pump blood through the constricted vessels to keep the body warm, leading to an increase in blood pressure. The combination of constricted vessels and high physical exertion means the heart needs significantly more oxygen to function, but the cold and high pressure can limit the blood and oxygen flow (myocardial oxygen demand is increased). Breathing cold air can also trigger constriction in the coronary arteries that supply the heart muscle itself, further increasing the risk of reduced blood flow and a heart attack.
It's not like shoveling snow is super dangerous. Most people don't die from shoveling the snow. But it can happen and it's worth slowing down and taking breaks.
An 863 with hi-flow 2 speed and a pivoting plow was the most ideal snowplow I've ever played with.
Turns out, wrong train, going slightly the wrong way. But a guy walks up to me in the train, asks me where I'm going, and starts to help me get to where I need to go. He arranged a bunk for me, talked to the conductor for me, bought(!) another train to Agra for me, called hostels in Agra, etc etc. I've had multiple such encounters here in India, of people going so far out of their way to help me here, something you would honestly never see in my country Germany. It's like a strange incongruence, with one fraction of the population hell-bent on fleecing you for all you've got, and another that will go way further out of their way for you than you could ever imagine.
Ps, Kochi can be quite bustling. The more remote and rural towns (like Munnar) are a relatively safer bet.
In touristy places you are just a target. It’s just different places have different strategies for fleecing you. For example in Japan you probably wouldn’t even know you got ripped off but India they are likely so obvious about it you never get fleeced.
I'm ugly so strangers aren't nice to me.
On the other hand, if you asked a bunch of great-looking people what strangers had done for them, you'd get a bunch of stories about people who were very kind (but perhaps not entirely altruistic in their intent).
Ouch.
For one thing, women (especially smaller women) would be wary of offering a ride to a man or letting him into her home.
Maybe you are not very adventurous? If your life consists of only hotel trips, best you can expect is a free breakfast upgrade or something like that.
If you're hungry and out of energy on a hike, someone might give you a sandwich. If you're drowning, someone might save your live. The situations you're in determine your experiences, not your looks.
Although this was in Nigeria, we have this certain camaraderie through hardship, it was still extremely surprising seeing a group of 6 men come out of nowhere, having nothing to do with each other aside being passerbys join hands, exerting sweaty effort to get my car out a ditch by 8pm.
Left me quite an impression
Literally, the moment before there hadn’t been anything around but me and that Taco Bell.
We grew up very poor, and I can't count the number of times someone helped us through a difficult situation - there are plenty of times we were on our own and there wasn't any help, but also times when someone noticed and helped. The help was always so appreciated- it lessened the suffering considerably compared to the times when we were on our own with whatever problem.
I’ve dropped mine on rare occasions, and nary a soul even looked my direction. :-) (But thankfully I’m a grown boy who can pick it up myself.)
I agree that there's flexibility in the sizes. When I wanted to stock up my work's garage with spare bike tires, I got four kinds in total (basically a small Presta, a small Schrader, a large Presta, and a large Schrader). This officially covered pretty much every common road and hybrid or mountain bike with something that was officially rated or matched to it. But yes, as far as I know, one could probably get by in practice with fewer than that and use things that are officially slightly mismatched.
Specifically, I got the Specialized "Standard Schrader" 700x20-28c and 700x28-38c, and "Standard Presta" 700x20-28c and 700x28-38c tubes (the smaller ones more likely for road bikes, the larger ones more likely for mountain bikes). These are about $8 each in the U.S., so a total of about $32 for the set of four. 700c is increasingly common, although there are several other diameters that have been or are being used.
Just having a bike pump can be pretty helpful in many circumstances!
So there's not necessarily a need to carry tubes with both valve types.
You’ll be a super hero.
I usually have stick-on patches and a bike pump as well as the normal Landrover-fixing tools, because you can have a toolbox without having an old Landrover but you can't have an old Landrover without having a toolbox.
A $5 tube is so small a cost. Not having one can make a minor inconvenience into an utter shambles if you have to call home go a lift from 50km away at 6am.
I've handed out paper towels to 4-5 people this year and they were all delighted.
It’s a hassle, but doing 2 at a time means the admin is much reduced.
There is a huge amount less dirt and grease in my life now. Even when I change it to re-wax it I don’t get dirty. I probably get 2-3 weeks, 500-600km out of each waxing.
I already have some alcohol wipes in my bag as part of an emergency medical kit. I'll add a few more for grease emergencies. :-)
Less practical: the group I ride with did a 200km ride, with one member having a nice shiny case attached to his bike where the pump might go.
When they finished he smoked his cigar.
When we got back home after the long trip, we sent him a nice sweatshirt with "New Jersey" on it.
I begged the guy that helped me fill out the paperwork for that program to give me something proving the hospital was paid. He broke the law and gave me the whole month's reimbursed list of everyone in that program. Hospital made the situation go away in less than a day once they saw I had it.
I will never forget his name since he put his ass on the line doing that and I never met him in person, just a few phone calls.
OTOH, I seem to be "that stranger" whenever possible. And that's mighty satisfying. People I've studied under or assisted with computer support have a habit of getting Nobel Physics Prizes. I have aggressively looked for and found, owners of lost cell phones and ipods.
Sorry to disappoint!
BTW, a friend is an M.D. While I was visiting his home, his cat scratched me, and I asked if he had any betadine. He didn't. So, you never know. Having been in the Coast Guard "Semper Paratus" always ready, I tend to bring small tools and first aid with me when I drive, but the only application so far was someone whose battery died in the SFO cell phone lot around midnight, and I had the jumper cable handy. The more serious one was when I was coming home and saw a light flickering in the neighbor's detached garage. Well, he wasn't welding. It was an electrical fire, and I made sure they knew about it post haste (they were watching TV in the front room). And that's about it.
Ah sorry, wrong site, this here is the dork table right?
The nicest thing a stranger ever did for me was a conversation on a random bench in FiDi when I apparently looked pissed off. Literally sat next to me and just started talking. I still remember it a decade later.
On the other side of the coin, I was leaving a thrift store in San Leandro and saw some black thing on the road. I was stopped at an intersection and picked it up. It was a wallet with $500 in it and a woman's out of state personal and business ID., but no local address or phone number. I took a real chance and left it with the thrift store staff, hoping they could find her. Perhaps she was just there? Well, they said later that they found her through her bank, and returned it to her. I forgot if it was before or after, but I did purchase two Klipsch Heresy Speakers there for $50 total.
I was couchsurfing with a bicycle, and was not able to find a place to stay on the last day. So, instead of trying I asked a guy where I stayed the first day if I can return. Not only he agreed, but also helped to get to the airport with my packaged bike.
Another case was when I stayed in Jordan, and the guy who I rented apt from helped us so much for free. He helped us to get to the dead sea (with two bikes, no less!), fought for the price with street traders so we could get an honest price and so on.
And the final and best story is about a people who found us trying to put up a tent during the huge storm in iceland.
They invited us to spend a night in their camping cabin and shared their dinner with us. This happened after we were going 12 hours through the storm with a heavily packed bikes. IT felt like an angels touch. I almost cried due to happiness (I hardly ever cried back then).
Turns out he had his own show on the radio, and he played my song! Well, Nirvana's song, but the one I picked. He even dedicated it to me and everything! I thought I was bonafide rockstar for years after that!
I guess I should qualify the story by saying, he was a stranger at the time, but not for long. His son was 2 years younger than me and we became best friends, and he was like a second dad for me too. But that came later.
Bobo is not with us anymore, but here's to his memory.
I was blown away and so grateful.
I have paid it forward many times over.
Everyone stared deeper into their phones until he went away, but when he came back a woman with a child handed him some change and he walked on without thanking her.
The kid asked "why did you give him money mummy?" and her response was simply "you see homeless, you give money" and that was the end of it. I just liked the implicit matter-of-fact decency in which she lived her life.
Back in 2006 I was out in the street at 3am screaming for help. I was on the phone to 999 and had no idea where I was. The ambulance came 45 minutes later. Roughly 5 minutes after getting into the back of the ambulance I had to be resuscitated. Straight to the ICU and on life support for a couple of days.
Fast forward a week and I told everyone it was me who called 999. Turns out that call never found me — it was a stranger walking by who saw the commotion and called the emergency services.
Had that person not made that call, I would not be alive today. I never got to meet whoever that was, and that small act of kindness saved a life.
About 24 years ago, I was new to the Internet. I had just joined the university. I went to the university's computer lab the first chance I got and began browsing websites. Out of curiosity, I typed susam.com in the address bar to see what kind of website existed there. I landed on this home page: <https://web.archive.org/web/20010721163153/http://susam.com/>. Except it look much bigger back then because display resolutions were much lower, so the text and banner covered almost half the width of the screen.
Essentially, I was just trying to make sense of the Internet. In my mind, I was wondering what it would take to create my own website, perhaps at susam.com.
That's when a much elderly student who was watching me surf the Internet over the shoulders approached me and asked if that's my name and if I had made the website. I told him that I hadn't and I couldn't because I had no clue how to make websites. So he asked me to move over, took my seat, and from the Internet Explorer menu, clicked on View > Source. He then went on to explain me how these websites are made of HTML pages and how the HTML pages are made of simple text instructions.
Next, he opened Notepad, wrote a simple HTML page with nothing but a <BODY> tag and 'HELLO' within it and showed me how that page looked on the browser. He showed me a few other things too like changing the <FONT> tag to change the colour, face and size. It was a very brief 10 minute tutorial but it made the World Wide Web much less mysterious and much more fascinating.
That person had an ulterior motive though. After the tutorial, he didn't return the seat back to me. He just continued surfing the Internet and waited for me to leave. I was too shy to ask for my seat back. Seats were limited, so I walked back to my dorm room both with the disappointment of no more surfing that day and the excitement of all the websites I could make with this new found knowledge!
I could never register susam.com for myself though. That domain was always used by some business selling Turkish cuisines. But I got the next best thing for myself. A .net domain and I still actively maintain a website there: <https://susam.net/>.
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