Maybe You’re Not Trying
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The article 'Maybe you’re not trying' challenges the assumption that people are not putting in enough effort, and the discussion revolves around the complexities of motivation, productivity, and the role of external factors in achieving success.
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18h
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Based on 7 loaded comments
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- 01Story posted
Nov 16, 2025 at 5:14 AM EST
about 2 months ago
Step 01 - 02First comment
Nov 16, 2025 at 10:59 PM EST
18h after posting
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2 comments in 18-21h
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Step 03 - 04Latest activity
Nov 17, 2025 at 4:45 PM EST
about 2 months ago
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you DESERVE misery. If you are suffering, then you are the cause.
I feel I should hate this line of thinking... But it's too common. I can't hate all of humanity. Instead, I know to fear others. I know to never ask for help. This belief is so common that to do otherwise is self destructive.
If you had gone to the police they would have blamed you.
Your husband resolved it because it wasn't "his" problem. He didn't "cause" it so could not be blamed. Because as far as everyone else is concerned, the reason you had that problem was because "you weren't trying"
it's not true.
The husband was the social proof that this random junkie woman who's complaining about a guy on the opposite side of the planet was worth taking seriously. She might not have wanted to go to the cops because she didn't want to go to them, have them laugh it off and then feel both powerless and humiliated, and the conclusion is that another person who then manages the difficulty isn't even trying? Maybe not, but that's a different think from deciding that they aren't doing it because they're stuck in some old mindset.
The other example she gives is this: "These are people who could successfully launch a product in a foreign country with little instruction, but who complain that there aren’t any fun people to meet on the dating apps." Like, girl, it's not up to you whether or not there are any cool people on dating apps. There's a selection bias of who gets on dating apps going on here. You can do everything within your power and Actually Try all you want to have it be another way, but you can't really force cool people to socialize in the way that you want them to. It could be the case that there really is no one cool on those dating apps, because social climate being the way that it is means that no one feels comfortable showing their whole, unvarnished, "cool" selves and the coolest people are hidden.
At what point is someone "Actually Trying"? Is it once they've succeeded? This feels like the self help, "The Secret", "Girl, Wash Your Face" of previous eras but dressed up in the language of people who use terms like "non-zero probability", "priors", and "local optimum". The takeaway should not be that someone shouldn't try, but that the serenity prayer's most difficult part is the "wisdom to know the difference". She had the power to change this, but the wisdom to know the difference here was not guaranteed. It would be a kinder message to everyone who is in a tough spot to at least acknowledge that having a husband to vouch for her, with connections, free time, and a motivated reason to help out kind of changes to what extent she personally could be responsible for Actually Trying.
There are irreducible dimensions of life where one shouldn’t accumulate debt, otherwise they come bite you when you’re vulnerable or they could make you vulnerable, which will end up affecting your productivity at work to say the least.
It is reductive, but also a new perspective from which to see ourselves.
"What is the best thing to work on?"
"What is the next thing I should do?"
It seems ridiculous and sort of passive.
It's like "a goal without a plan is just a wish"... Well I have wishes, and I need plans.
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